Better but still not easy

While in some ways Mr Rockstar has been much better the past 6 months, we still have our rough days.  Today was our third time attending the Classical Conversations homeschool group.

The first week at CC was soooo hard.  It took a couple hours before Mr Rockstar would get off my lap and then later during game time he didn’t really understand the rules and when he was “out” (from playing musical chairs) he hit me in the jaw while I was trying to calm him down and get him to understand he just had to wait a few minutes before he could play again.

The second week at CC was much better.  Mr Rockstar was a little nervous at first but then he warmed up and he didn’t have any major meltdowns.  He really loved all the songs and seemed to be making some friends.  Given that his interactions at home had also been pretty good, there was part of me that started to forget his struggles.

Today, he reminded me that life will always be an ongoing struggle.  Life gets better at times but it never is easy.  Today I was assigned to help out with childcare.  I knew it was going to be rough getting Mr Rockstar to say “good-bye” since he ALWAYS has separation anxiety issues.  Sigh.  I think it is good for him to have to leave me….it is just hard especially if he decided he is going to have a death grip on my leg and no one whats to help pry a 6 yo off of their mom (a 2 yo maybe but 6yo not so much).  For 24 hours leading up to CC, I kept role playing with him plus established a huge bribe with a new toy he wanted.  All he had to do was say “bye” and then he would get his new toy.  Mr Rockstar was nervous and kept giving me mixed signals but in the end the prep work and bribe paid off and he separated from me without too much fuss.

I was starting to think maybe I don’t give Mr Rockstar enough credit since he apparently was doing just fine in his classroom without me….until the very end of the morning when a mom came and told me Mr Rockstar needed me.  It turned out they were playing a game similar to musical chairs and Mr Rockstar was “out” but refusing to actually get out of the circle.  I was SO thankful they called me to deal with him.  That is the great thing about doing a homeschool co-op where I get to stay with him.  When I got to him, there was no talking Mr Rockstar down.  He had serious “rock brain” about it.  I eventually just had to hold him tight and remove him from the situation with him all the while trying to hit me or anyone/thing near him.

Situations like this are so embarrassing.  No one else’s kid goes crazy when they are “out”.  They might get a little upset but not hitting people.  Mr Rockstar settled down somewhat but the misbehavior just went on and on including him crawling back to class instead of walking and then tearing up his sticker reward sheet in protest.  At this point Mr Rockstar, started to tell me he “is never coming back to this school” and “if he does come back he is going to break everything.”  Yeah it was one of those days.

At least I have learned when Mr Rockstar is like this there is no amount of me getting worked up, threatening, etc that breaks through to him….it just makes it worse.  I ignore the craziness and try to control the destructive impulses.  Mr Rockstar continued to pull at my clothes trying to tear them.  When I put out lunch he purposely broke his crackers into little tiny crumbs and threw them on the floor.  I put his new toy in time out.  I just kept calmly telling him he had “rock brain” and he needed to let it go.  That he was being a “mean Jean” and that wasn’t very kind.  Finally, he calmed down about an hour after the initial incident.  I had him clean up the cracker crumb mess, he got his toy back, and then he started playing nicely with the other kids like nothing ever happened.

Meanwhile, there is part of me that is just fighting back tears because life is so hard.  After leaving classical conversations we went to a psychiatry appointment for Mr Rockstar.  It helped raise my spirits a little because as the doctor was asking about Mr Rockstar’s behavior it helped me reflect on how Mr Rockstar used to have these outbursts multiple times a day and now it is more like twice a week.  And even though the end of class today was rough for Mr Rockstar, I am told, he did do a good job for the first half of class without me being there.

To sum it all up, I am thankful that life with Mr Rockstar has gotten better but it till isn’t easy.

P.S. I can’t wait for Mr Rockstar to start behavioral therapy.  I just wish the wait lists to get in at the therapists weren’t always so dang long.

2 thoughts on “Better but still not easy”

  1. Barbara,this reminds me so much of times with our daughter Alison. I pray often for you and Gus,grateful that the bad times are reducing,and praying for strength and wisdom for you. God be with you.

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