Social Anxiety

It’s official.  I hate moving.  Before having kids moving was hard because I am an introvert.  But now that I have kids moving is 10x as hard.  It is not just my own social anxiety I have to deal with but also my kids.  While I am trying to force myself out of my comfort zone to talk to new people and open up to build relationships, Mr Rockstar is vacillating between being in a fetal position on my lap, peeking through his fingers, and crying that “everybody is looking at me!” (sorry kid your behavior isn’t really blending in) and running around like a crazy aggressive monkey who then starts hitting me when I try to reign him in (true story.  Sigh.).  If I am lucky the twins both are happy and stable so I only have to deal with Mr Rockstar and my social anxiety.  However, there is a 50/50 chance one of the twins is also crying about being in a new situation.

It makes me want to crawl into a cave and never come out.  We need a support network but it just takes so much time and energy to get there.

There is a part of me that has been fascinated to note which activities are more off-putting to Mr Rockstar than other.

  1. AWANA – a Bible memory program where the kids also get to watch a movie together and play games in the gym.  I have been shocked that Mr Rockstar LOVES AWANA and I have zero trouble dropping him off.
  2. Tae Kwon Do – Mr Rockstar was excited about “becoming a Power Ranger” and was dying to take Tae Kwon Do lessons.  Unfortunately after the first week it became a nightmare to get him to go to the lesson.  The teachers were nice and understanding.  I suspect Mr Rockstar was off put by Tae Kwon Do because he felt he wasn’t any good compared to the other students since it was a mixed age class.
  3. Swimming Lessons – Mr Rockstar moans about them each week and I have to coax him to go but every week when we leave he says he loves it.  The teacher has changed every week and I think this is the root cause of the anxiety.  Any change is hard for Mr Rockstar to swallow.
  4. Sunday School – Mr Rockstar has always struggled to go to Sunday School without a fuss.  For the most part he has been going to Sunday School since we moved without a problem.  Why? I don’t know.  He did hesitate this week and Hubby realized it was because he didn’t have a transitionary object.  Mr Rockstar still almost always needs a toy or other object from home whenever he is going to be separated from us for a period of time.
  5. YMCA child care – Hallelujah for cheap child care at the YMCA and that Mr Rockstar will go without a fuss.  Before I had kids I vowed to never put them in the YMCA childcare because it just seemed under staffed and crazy.  Let me add this to the long list of things I thought I would never do but now I can’t live without as a parent.
  6. Classical Conversations Homeschool group – Major stress out.  We have only been once but I was ready to burst into tears the entire time we were there.  It was a largish group of moms and kids and everything about it was unfamiliar.  Mr Rockstar started in freak-out mode before we walked in and only after close to 2 hours did he transition from fetal position on my lap to aggressive punching monkey.  Sigh.  At least there was a brief time between the two extremes where he was semi-normal.  I am not sure if I should be relieved or discouraged that a couple of the moms came up to talk to me and had figured out through observing us that Mr Rockstar must have “special needs”.  Let’s pray this week will be better.

Besides trying to make friends with mom’s at my kids various activities, I have also joined a Young Mother’s Bible Study (not sure if I still qualify as a young mother but I am going none the less), the local mom’s group on Meetup.com, and the local mothers of twins group.  I know it is just a matter of time before I make some friends and start building relationships but for now it still feels like we are living on a deserted island.

So are you slow or fast to build new relationships?  What do you do in the meantime to keep your sanity?!?

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